For Jim...........................

I needed to add a journal as its my last night to be 39 . If I am to be honest, I have had such mixed emotions about this. At times I feel hopeful for my future, and at others I feel a loss. I look into the mirror and wonder who this reflection is that I am seeing. I still feel the same on the inside as I did when I became aware of this life, probably around the age of 13. I feel sad because I don't want people to treat me differently, because I'm getting older. I am so young at heart. I have so much passion left inside of me. I don't want to feel bitter, but find myself feeling a little that way as I feel my body is betraying me.................. I see my body changing, despite my efforts to stop it from happening. I see curves that werent there before, and thinning in places that were plumper. I'm seeing shifting of things too........LOL. And then there is my poor little face that has been thru so much. And now, it seems to be revealing the journey of my life so far................

I've been thinking that everyone says that life starts at 40 and I should be happy about it. And then I find myself trying to devise ways to better myself more, maybe try to lose more weight, or do something different with myself. And with these sorts of things going thru my busy brain, I also think that maybe it is time to get off this crazy train I've been on....As it's becoming exhausting trying to maintain the status quo, trying to preserve myself, keep myself looking younger, thinner, sexier, whatever..........

And as you are reading this, I have come to a realization that enough is enough. I've been with this self consciousness for as long as I can remember, and its gonna stop now! So here is what I'm doing for the next 40 years or so.............

I am accepting myself here and now for who I am.
I am attracting everything loving and beautiful into my life.
I am attracting all the financial resources in this world to create the happiest life for myself and my loved ones.
I am enjoying my wonderful husband and children to the fullest.
I am writing my feelings down , sharing my thoughts without fear.
I am sharing my life stories with those who wish it, or need it to help them on their own journey in this world.
I am giving my best to everyone who needs me, everyone........, without fear of judgement.
I am being my bravest to fullfill all my hearts desires ..........

and finally.....................

I am loving me, Michele.
I am good
I am kind
I am loving
I am so many wonderful things,

and............

Everything I am, I offer to you.......................to pass it on

That my friend is what it's about! It's about completing the circle of life, taking what you need, and sharing it, and then passing it on to others. It's about change, its about accepting the change, and helping others move with it as well. It's when we try to move out of the circle and go it alone, that we create our pain, we stop our growth, our journey.

so.........

Happy 40th Birthday to me!! Happy Birthday Michele............Love me xoxoxo

Shes faced the hardest times...

For You,

I'm writing this for you.
You know who you are.
You are love.
You are laughter.
You are light.
You are giving.
You are nurturing.
You are creative.

You are so many wonderful things.............

I have been searching for you..........
A kindrid spirit.........
A soulmate..............

A sister...............

My friend...............

She's faced the hardest times you could imagine

and many times her eyes fought back the tears

and when her youthful world was about to fall in

each time her slender shoulders

bore the weight of all her fears

and a sorrow no one hears

still rings in midnight silence, in her ears

Let her cry, for she's a lady

let her dream, for she's a child

let the rain fall down upon her

She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild

be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken

and sleep's the only freedom that she knows

and when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe

the way she's always paying

for a debt she never owes

and a silent wind still blows

that only she can hear and so she goes

Let her cry, for she's a lady

let her dream, for she's a child

let the rain fall down upon her

She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild

music and lyrics by Skylark*